Sunday, May 13, 2007

My Mission and My Autism

These thoughts have been milling around my brain today and I want to write about them. I have Autism and Attention Deficit Disorder. My A.D.D. doesn’t affect me much because I took myself off Ritalin a year ago. However, my Autism is still affecting and will affect me my whole life. What’s so frustrating is that I don’t know how much it affects me and how much different I am from the norm. I don’t even know what is a normal person. I think that everyone is different in his or her own little ways. Then, why do I stand out from other people?

I’m writing about this because it just got in the way of me going on my mission. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to go on my mission. I mostly want to go because I want to get the benefits that result on going on a mission. I want to grow closer to Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost. I want to recognize the difference between my thoughts and the Holy Ghost’s promptings. I want to help to build up the Kingdom of God. Now, because of my Autism I can’t go.

More than a month ago, I saw a counselor that was recommended by my family’s bishop. He asked me many weird questions like, “What does your tears mean?” when I got upset. I thought that the missionary evaluation went very well because I didn’t see any problems with me going on a mission. Last week, the counselor and my family’s bishop recommended to my bishop that I shouldn’t go on my mission. Therefore, last Sunday my bishop said that I can’t go on a full time mission and I can be a ward missionary instead. I cried all day because it was such a major blow. Now, I want to go back and talk to my bishop tomorrow and ask why they recommended me that I shouldn’t go on a mission. My parents have always told me that I can do any thing in the world if I wanted to. Going on a mission is one of those things I want to do.

I know that my bishop can receive revelation from Heavenly Father for me. Did he honestly pray to Heavenly Father that I should go on a mission? If he did and God said no, I wouldn’t question his answer. The way that I see it, is that I can go on a mission, it’s just God doesn’t want to me go when I’m young. If my bishop didn’t and just accepted the advice from the other bishop and counselor, I’m going to question it until I see valid reasons for their decision.

Right now, I’m somewhat leery of the counselor. I know that he evaluated me to see if I can go on my mission or not. However, is an hour enough time to make that decision? I’m leery towards the counselor because of an experience. When I was a senior in high school, I took a standardized test to see how well I was going to do in college by a psychologist. In his evaluation, he said that wouldn’t be able to graduate with a four-year degree because I wasn’t going to do well in college. I think he said that I’m going to be horrible in math because I had him constantly repeat the numbers that I had to repeat back to him. All I remember is that he defiantly miss-evaluated me. Therefore, the person that had me evaluated said that I shouldn’t pursue my pre-vet education and said that I should pursue a degree in accounting or radiology. I proved them wrong because I’m not having any problems in school. In addition, I have taken hard classes like chemistry and calculus. Right now, my GPA is 3.67.

I don’t know if my family’s bishop should have any say because he doesn’t even know me. There is a guy who has Autism who’s around the same age as me in his ward. From what I heard from my family, I know he’s worse that me. Is the bishop basing his recommendation from what he knows from that guy? I hope not because Autistics can be very different from each other.

I’ll never know why Heavenly Father gave me Autism. In the Book of Mormon, in Ether 12: 26-27 God said: “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weakness, and I will show unto them that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me—the fountain of all righteousness.” I know Heavenly Father will help me with my weaknesses and make them strong in His own due time. If He helped me in school, He’ll help me with my Autism.

9 comments:

supergroup7 said...

Autism... my son has that.. it makes it very difficult sometimes for us to work together.. he misunderstands me, or I misunderstand him, and then tempers flair up.

Why does God allow things that make life more difficult? I've always asked myself this question. Each one of us has to come up with our own answer to it.

My answer is that I need to be reminded that I'm not in Heaven yet. Sometimes I can get so comfortable down here on earth that I forget that my goal is eternal life. I might settle for a tent when I am to inherit so much more.

lizzie said...

What faith are you Supergroup?

ZenHG said...

For my response to your post, Lizzie, please go to Karate Korner.

supergroup7 said...

I'm Christian.

Potatoe Fist said...

I guess I always felt that God doesn't put individual burdens on our lives, but gives us the tools to deal with everything in a constructive manner.

I feel that your issues must be profound, and I would never want to compare them to anything else, but I know that individuals always percieve their own issues to be the most painful. Afterall, it's extremely rare for someone to know excatly how you feel.

The trick, I think, is to determine what lessons you are learning through your experiences and this is how God makes you a better person. Each person has their hurdles and they are all different. Some are just larger than others.

Of course, that's just my take. It brings me peace when I realize I have grown at times.

lizzie said...

Thanks for commenting everyone.

supergroup7 said...

Lizzie, I will put your Interview here on this comment, and you can cut and paste it on your weblog.

This meme has been circulating the internet for a while now. Here are the rules if you'd like to play:

1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview Me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the questions and answers.
4. You will include this explanation and offer to interview readers in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Questions:

1. Which kata is your favorite? and why?
2. Do you do any other sports, or hobbies than karate?
3. What was the biggest lesson you learned when you competed in your last karate tournament?
4. Will you be learning how to use a weapon in Goju karate? If not, is there a Martial arts weapon that you would be curious about, and want to learn?
5. Do you have a pet? Would you want one?

Kassiane said...

Lizzie,

Email me...you commented on my blog. There's an autistic young adults group meeting this weekend. If it doesn't conflict with your church stuff you might like it, being around other auties.

-Rettdevil

Tandoori said...

Lizzie.

Quote "Ether 12: 26-27 God said: “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness."

yes you have weakness in that you are a sufferer of Autism, but please know this, you also have been handed a gift from God, in your inner strengths and mental resolve, you have set your mind and heart on something, my mind and my heart tells me you will accomplish all that you wish to.

You are a brave and intelligent Karate Ka Good for you.