Sunday, May 31, 2009

Lots of fun

I went to the Brazilian Jiu-jitsu club today. It was tons of fun!!! I went last semester but wasn't really impressed because I come from a karate background. There's no strikes or hits involved with BJJ. Because of that, they don't take hits or anything like that what I learned in my grappling class with Sensei Levi. So, I thought that it would teach me habits that would get me into trouble if I got into a real life situation. Plus, the highest belt in the club is a purple belt which I think is OK, but I'd rather have a black belt teach me. I know that's different for all schools and styles, but for the rule of thumb it's better for a black belt to teach. At the same time, throughout my martial arts career, I have taught too because when I learn something and know it, I teach it to someone else who is having a difficult time with it. However, that greatly diminished in my last dojo because I'd almost always work with people who are higher than me. At the same time, if I worked with a lower belt, I would teach and help them. There is always a chance that you teach them the wrong way if you understood it wrong. That's what happened in my evil dojo, they would teach wrong techniques that wouldn't make sense body positioning wise. I knew that when Sensei Chinen would say that he was teaching self defense, I knew I wouldn't be able to defend myself for the life of me.

Saturday, May 30, 2009


I just watched Taken with Liam Neeson. I started liking him as an actor when I watched Batman Begins. That was a really good movie and he played as an excellent bad guy. Now, in this movie he's a very good good guy. He's an excellent actor. I think he just became my favorite actor now because I haven't one for a long time. I'm very impressed with the stunts he does because he's older. It about a father trying to get back his daughter because she was abducted for human sex trafficking. I really liked Taken because it's exactly the type of book I would read. It has violence, killing, kidnapping, and torture. At the very end, it reminded me of Splinter Cell because he was sneaking around on a boat. The fight scenes were all right. I just wish that the camera would stop jumping all over the place because I want to see that natural progress of the fight like in martial art movies. I know they move it all around because it makes us think that the fighters actually have some skill and that they are really fighting. I didn't like the car chase scenes because of exactly the same thing. The camera was needlessly going all over the place. It got really annoying.

I really got into the movie and it really entertained me. Thus, there were some parts I wanted to flap my wings. I was with Sarah in a movie theater so I keeping jumping out of my seat instead. After the movie, I apologized that I get like that when I get really excited. It's an autistic trait that hasn't gone away. I have done it since I was little. When I get really excited, I flap my wings because it calms me down. I know that it looks really, really weird. That's why I try not to but it's really hard to stop. For long while, I didn't do it as much. Probably, it's because I didn't watch any good movies or read any good books. I remember when I was working in at the Bank of America reading the last book of Harry Potter. It was at a really exciting part that made me really want to flap wings. So, I looked around me to see if anybody would see. There wasn't anybody around, so I flapped my wings. :-p

Friday, May 29, 2009

I pulled through with stats!!!!

Well, I'm happy because I got around a 76% on my stats test. Those tutors really helped!!! Yesterday morning, I thought I was going to fail my stats test like my O-chem, however through three hours of tutoring, I came to understand the material and pull through. I thought did better when I was taking the test but that's OK. That's an OK score for BYU. So, my strategy worked for stats but it didn't for O-chem. Probably, that's because I need someone to help me in it like stats. I would have written more today, but I wanted to order a food scale from Amazon. It makes me mad that I'm one cent off of getting free shipping. So, I was looking all around the site for anything cheap, but didn't find anything. It took forever. I need to find Rhea and Evan some birthday presents. Rhea reminded of that today when I called her.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

I'm happier today

Today was much better than the last two days. I worked more throughout the day today. It was really good because I went to lecture for O-chem, but I didn't understand it all. So, I really need help with O-chem. I probably have to form some kind of study group and find the TA's and have them teach me. I just need one on one with somebody and have them teach me because I think this worked today when I got tutored with Drew. He noticed I stopped going to lecture because he's the one who helps the professor. So, I was thinking that if I'm somewhat successful this term by getting better grades through my tests while keeping up, I can stay. However, I really need to keep on top of things and self discipline myself. I have been doing good with that because I've been trying not to waste time. I have been a little lax with myself today because I took a two and half hour nap after grappling. I'm more hopeful today after working with Drew. I still need to work on the Central Limit Theorem and Large Number Theory. So, I want to ask Dad if I can work with another tutor for an hour tomorrow to catch anything I have problems with. I just need to go through everything or pretty much everything. Ugg, I'm not good at this. I'm just glad that I'm more hopeful now. I don't know about O-chem but I'm more hopeful about stats. I'm glad that I didn't get stressed out and depressed today.

I need to talk about grappling before I forget. Like always, I need to work on attacking. I'm not an aggressive person. I always haven't been since I was a young teenager. I remember dad telling me to be more aggressive when I played basketball. I think I wasn't especially aggressive today because I've had a hard week. So, I had another match against Rachel where she won. Then, I had a match against Josh where it was a draw. He was keeping attacking and I had a good defense. Then, Colin worked with me and taught me a few things where I'm keeping having problems. I'm having lots of problems getting out of the guard. They are keeping pulling my arms or sweeping me. So, he said to swim out of guard my keeping my hands in their arm pits and my head to the side. Then, I keep on swimming down and twist my hips to break. If that doesn't work, I need to sit up and break it. Then, I trap their legs my rapping my arms around theirs just below the knees and slide into side mount.

Another position that I found myself constantly in is where I'm in this half side mount where they have my leg trapped with their legs. So, I don't know what to do. I try on one of their arms, but it doesn't work. Colin says that I have to get into a full mount or a side mount. I grab their gi and try to choke them. While they are distracted with that, I'll push my leg out with my other hand by pushing their leg. I think that I practiced a good hour after class because I got home at 3:15.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I'm stressing out again :(

Now, I'm stressed again because I didn't study today. I had to go shopping so I can eat for the coming week. That took around five hours because I had to find everything I was looking for. Then, an hour to find space in the refrigerator and eat. By the time, I was done it was 9:00 P.M. Sarah convinced me to make an apperance at an Enrichment Activity next door. However, I stayed for the whole thing because we watched Kung Fu Panda. Then, we talked for about an hour. After that, Sarah and I went to Burger King to get something to eat.

Now, it's 2am in the morning and I haven't gotten any studying done. I'm really glad I have Monday. However, I don't know if I can pull of a chapter and a half of reading. I still want to go over that practice test. I still have stats to do and that test is on Thursday. Why does school have to stress me out so much? When I get stressed like this, I imagine myself failing and going to an easier school. Or go back living with my parents where I'm isolated. I'm so stressed because of these stupid tests. They are so hard!!! I'm trying so hard too. Everyday I've been in the library studying. Two days this week, I could have gone a little sooner so I could have gotten more studying done. I wish school would come easier to me. I have to study so much. Plus, I have a huge workload that I'm not used to. I'm just hoping that I can do this. However, since these last tests, I've been a little skeptical. However, I've been comparing myself to me a year ago and I'm doing pretty well because I'm trying do manage my time and surviving without my family. Oh how I miss them, especially when things become hard and stressful.

I just think that my workload for O-chem is hard enough and I added stats on top of all of this. I'm managing my time a lot better than last semester because I'm spending a lot less time goofing around and more time studying. I just wish school was easier and not so demanding of my time. I've been saying this since last semester. I just can't believe how hard school is. It's even harder because there are all kinds of distractions. That's why I love the library. It's because I'm isolated from everyone and I can get lots of studying in. I may be just taking too much also because I doubled my workload. Plus, we are going at a speed which is twice as fast even though it's half the credits. I'm just all stressed because I've never faced this type of situation for school before. I've always gotten really good grades and not stress this much about school. I never stressed this much about tests. I just feel like that I'm going to fail these classes because the workload is too much. If I had just O-chem or stats, I would be fine. However, I'm taking these two hard, time intensive classes. I just really hope that I can make it through these tests next week.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Getting startled twice a day

I just got done watching a Gentleman's Game with Sarah. It was really good because it kept me interested. I thought it would be boring because it's a movie about golf. However, it was keeping turning to places that I didn't really expect. Sarah said it's your typical underdog story. I thought it was different because I never watch sport movies. However, it's Rated R. I found out right after the movie ended. It doesn't surprise me because it has a fair amount of language. We were going to watch the Basketball Diaries which is Rated R too; however, it had way too much swearing. I don't like swearing because I know that it drives the spirit away. I'm really glad I'm more sensitive to movies now. However, I'm not proud that I watched a Rated R movie because I made a promise to myself that I won't watch any. However, I didn't know so I think I'm off the hook.

I spent a little more than nine hours in the library today. I'm so happy because I needed to spend that time on O-chem. I still need to go through a chapter and a half and the practice test. So, hopefully I'll be there just as long tomorrow. I don't know though because it's late and I need to go shopping tomorrow. I'm just really glad that Dad told me that I needed to find a spot in the library where I can study. I found that spot and really like it because I don't get distracted, listen to my music as loud as I want on my computer speaker, and can sing as loud as a I want. It's really nice because at home I don't want to annoy anybody with my music. We are on top of each other in this apartment. I can do all of that stuff because I'm in a little study group room. It's sort of funny. Twice a day, I get startled because the library has this little jingle before it announces that I can't check anything out at 10:46 and it's closing at 11:46. It's terrible because I know it's coming and I still get startled. I think its because the speakers are really, really loud. After they announce that the library is closing, they have music blaring through the speakers. I can still hear it when I'm in the elevator. When, I was taking a break, I was looking for some really old books. I think I held one that was made in the late 1700's, if not at least 1850's. It was really cool. However, it got boring because pretty much all of them were in German, I think anyways.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Studying for tests and getting ticketed

I went to the library yesterday. However, it was much later than I wanted to because I arrived eight to eight thirty. Then when I started studying, I started really freaking out because I have so much to study and so little time. I'm still behind in stats and O-chem. I have three chapters to read through and the practice test to go over before Tuesday. My O-chem test starts tomorrow and ends on Tuesday. Then, I have my stats test starts on Tuesday and ends on Thursday. I have so much to go through. I'm really trying to manage and plan my day out better. So, I know that I'll study all day today. However, I did sleep for ten hours. I meant to get up at 10; however I didn't want to. So, I turned off my alarm and rolled over.

I dreamed a fair amount this morning. I just wish that I can remember my dreams easier because when I wake up, I have to focus about what I was dreaming out so I can remember it later. If not, I forget and it takes me awhile to remember again. I remember Evan and his friends broke and stole something at a gas station or some kind of store while I was with them. Then, they ran and I was caught. So, I got a ticket.

Then, I remember going through the backyards of all of these houses. Then, I got trapped because somehow I went by a fence or something that had a really mean dog. My only other path was blocked by a few mean dogs too. So, I had to knock on the back door of the owners so I can be let out. Then, I remember going through a really nice house. I knew that I wasn't suppose to be in it because it wasn't mine and nobody was home. Then, I looked through the house that looked like a really nice cabin. Then, when I left the house one of the doors wouldn't shut. For some reason, I went through the house and tried to shut the door again. Then, I think I tried another door and it shut. Then, I ran. However, there were guards dogs that I thought were after me. At first, they weren't because they didn't know what I had did. Then after walking a little bit, found out that the house was trespassed. So, the dogs caught my scent and they caught me. Then, I got another ticket. I was wondering how I was going to pay those tickets because dad is the only source of my income right now.

It seems like that I love to all of a sudden jump locations in my dreams. I don't really notice though. The only time I sort of know I'm dreaming is when I dream the same dream. If I do that, I make variations and change the dream a bit because I know what's going to happen. This time, I knew I've been at the nice house part.

Anyways, it took me a little while for me stop freaking out in the library. That wasn't productive because all I did was waste time. I couldn't focus on my homework because I was wondering if I can do it all in this time period. I was really overwhelmed with everything. Then, I started think how I was a failure compared to other students at BYU. Then, I was thinking about my workload at SCC and thought I was doing pretty good.

What really doesn't help is that I'm running out of food. Two of thing foods that I cooked on Sunday, I didn't like. Which means that I need to go shopping tomorrow and cook on Saturday. What really doesn't help that it's Memorial Weekend too. I would love to do something fun and probably, Sarah is going to too. However, it looks like that I have to say "no" to anything she wants to do because I need to study and cook more food for the coming week. I need a digital scale for my food because since I'm cooking, I don't know how many calories I'm eating a day. So, I haven't lost anything the last few weeks.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Watching Stargate SG1 and the Big Fight

I totally need to do my homework. I've sort of waste four hours today. For an hour, I watched Stargate SG1. I was planning on only watching for only 20 min today. However, I watched an extra episode because it was where at the end of the third season and it was to be continued. So, I watched the first episode of the forth season. I like that type of episodes because they are different from your average episodes. They occasionally make really good episodes in the middle of the season too. I like them because they aren't predictable. Some of the ones that they do are so predictable it's not even funny because they have done episodes with a similar plot line. The episodes I like move the overall encompassing plot along which is much more interesting than a mini plot which doesn't really have any consequences.

So, I really enjoyed my grappling class today. I really liked it because we learned how to do take downs. Then, practice was really fun. The first match I did was against Colman who is 210 pounds. He's the biggest guy in our class. He beats me every time with an arm bar which I can get out of. The first thing, he did was try to guillotine me when I tried to take him down. In my last dojo, I was keeping getting guillotined. So, I asked a guy at work which did MMA and he said to drop into squat while you push on their hips. (I can't believe that I forget his name. I think it's still there. However, I don't know though. I finally remembered his name. It's Chris Charnos.) When the kid tried to guillotine me again, I did what the guy said and it worked. It almost didn't work when I tried to get out of it. I was at the point I couldn't breathe so sort of jumped my lifting my feet in the air and I popped out. He could have went down on top of me because I fell on my butt, but he let me up. We went down again and tried to put me in an arm bar. So, I stuck my leg in between and he did an ankle lock instead. The second time I went up against him, I almost did a rear naked choke however, he pulled the choking hand and flipped me over because I was off the ground on his back. I was pretty proud of myself that I didn't get hurt because I rolled. When I was thinking about that, I didn't defend myself and he went on top of me on side. I gave up by then because I couldn't breathe at all. He was on my chest. So, he got an easy arm lock.

Then, I went up against Rachel. We're becoming friends because I like to practice with her after class. It was pretty easy because I had her in a standing guillotine. Then she fell on her back which made her tap out. It went pretty quickly. My final match was with Brodie who's 140 pounds. He's always taking me down my getting underneath my arms and sucking my hip inward and making me fall down. Rachel and Colman were watching. So, Colman pretty much coached me when I was fighting him. That was the hardest and longest match ever because both of us got tired. There were some instances I wanted to breathe and rest. But, Colman said that I should continue because I was on top. I was keeping trying to get past his guard which worked a few times. However, I couldn't hold it because he'd flip me. Then, I'd flip him and we were back the same spot. I was very glad that Colman was there to egg me on because I don't think I could have lasted as long. Then, finally Colman switched sides because I was on top almost the whole match. When he did that, Brodie flipped me and got me in an arm bar. Gerrr. Oh well. I think that I'm doing better than sparring that's for sure. I suck at that because I don't have very good balance. I've noticed that I'm not very aggressive. However, I became very aggressive with Brodie because I was fighting him with all of my strength. One moment of the fight, I wanted to take some kidney shots because they were open when I was in his guard.

Well, I have written quite enough. I really need to do my homework. It seems like that there isn't enough time in a day because it's already 7:30. I also have been skipping my classes so I can study. However, I need to work on studying earlier. I wanted to study as soon as possible. However, time just slipped away. I'm not very good at planning because I don't know how long things take me. With homework, I always work on it until I get done.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Made Six Dishes

I'm so tired. I've been cooking ever since I got home from church. I cooked a vegan granola which I didn't like and burnt. I made Egg and Onion Soup, French Onion Soup, Gazpacho, Parsley Rice, and Real Mashed Potatoes. It took forever!!! At least, I'll have some food for this week. Goodnight!!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Quesailla and the Frittata

I really need to go to bed, but I want to write first. I'm going to bed really late because I went shopping a little late and started cooking too late. So, essentially I'm running late. I wanted to get in as much cooking I can today. However, it looks like I'll cook more tomorrow because I only cooked two things today. The first thing, I cooked was Spinach and Mozzarella Quesadillas. I thought that it sounded really good because I love quesadillas however I didn't like the spinach and onion filling. So, I scraped it and used the roasted red pepper and shredded cheese for Broccoli and mushroom frittata. I've only made a frittata only once and liked it. So, I wanted to make this one however, the top didn't cook enough and the bottom got burnt. Then, it ended up that I didn't like the broccoli because it tasted like it was frozen too much and it was way too mushy. I found out I didn't like the roasted red pepper at all either. So, I thought I was going to through it out like the quesadilla; however, I went through it and picked out everything that I didn't like. Now, it's scrambled eggs with goodies in it instead of a frittata. Oh well, I'm just glad that I like it now.

I got these two recipes from the internet. When, I was looking through my cookbook, I noticed that I either miscounted or someone used my onions because I don't have any for the recipes that I wanted to make. That's the fun about cooking, sometimes I spend money and time making something and it turns out I won't even like it. Cooking takes forever, but I'm really glad I have my mini chopper. It's a time saver. Now, I want to get a dishwasher for this apartment. I don't know if that will ever happen because they are really expensive.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Missing Spokane

I miss Brother Adams. I saw a picture of him and started crying because right now I'm having a hard time with school. Whenever I was having a hard time, I would go to his office and talk to him about what's going on in my life. I love him so much and know that he loves me too. It was always nice to talk to him about what's going on.

I started crying too because of how easy Spokane Community College was. Plus, I had so much fun when I went to school. When summer hit things became hard and really boring. Things picked up during my mini-mission but that was really hard too. Then things became really boring again until I moved to Provo. I have a love and hate relationship with BYU. I love my roommates and the social atmosphere. I just hate how hard school is for me. I have never got bad grades like this before. It would be so much easier if BYU would come to Spokane and I would live at home so I wouldn't get distracted all the time. This week, I've haven't been that distracted which is a good thing. I just need to keep it up every day, so I can get good grades again. I was just so isolated in Spokane during the school year, that it was really easy for me to not get distracted. I didn't go to social things because of homework. Plus, my work forced me to do my homework because there was nothing to do. That was really nice. Now, I'm just really stressed because of my grades. I'm going to start saying "no" to Sarah and stick myself in the library because I need to start isolating myself from everything and everyone. I also need more self discipline with the internet because I can waste so much time on it. I've been getting better though which is good. I haven't been reading and watching as much as last semester. I'm glad that I eased myself into the BYU workload even though I'm still taking really hard classes. I talked to Preston, Rebecka's fiance, and he said that he had to retake Stats. Rebecka said that Stats was here hardest class that she has taken in BYU.

This is what I said on facebook tonight: "Wow, I had a crappy night. I got less than a 64% on my stats test. So, I didn't pull off a good grade in stats. I'm getting tired of stressing about school and getting bad grades. Now, I have do some major catch up because I've been focusing on these stupid tests instead of going to class. :( " I thought I did really well when I went took it because I thought I did better on it than O-chem. Well, I'll know how well I did in O-chem tomorrow or next week.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Taking tests

I should be in bed by now. I have wasted four hours tonight. Hopefully, they won't come and haunt me tomorrow because I have a test to study for that if I would take it right now, I would fail it. So tomorrow, I'm going to skip my classes again and head to the stats lab for help. Rhea and Evan says to not skip classes. Sarah says that skipping class doesn't matter. With me, I'm more leaning to the skipping class part because I do better doing things on my own instead of listening about it even though it can help sometimes. I just really hope that I can pull off tomorrow and all of my studying done. I feel that I did alright with my O-chem test. I got a 75% on the multiple choice part. I really hope that I did well on the written part. I had to completely change my study habits for this test. I actually studied from the book!!! I went over some problems today and they actually helped. So, I'm going to study more from the book. I'm just wondering for both of these classes, I'll learn better reading and doing things by myself instead of going to class. I haven't done that before because I don't like skipping class. Obviously, I need to study a lot more than what I was doing. I haven't had one on one time with O-chem and stats. I have been putting off my stats homework and copying the answers saying that I'll go over them later. Now, the test is tomorrow. At least, I have all day to study for it. Then, I'll take it tomorrow night. Wish me luck and pray that I don't stress out too bad. I have been freaking out the last few days because I don't want to fail any of my tests. I almost did with my neuroscience test last quarter. I don't want to come that close again. I got a break where I had to go to class. So, I studied for a few hours, came back, and finished the test. I don't know if that was OK or not, but it sure saved my butt. Probably, it wasn't OK because I had an unfair advantage over my classmates, but oh well.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I messed up :(

Ya, I totally messed up today. I stayed up really late last night, so I skipped my classes today, which I probably shouldn't have done. I should have at least woken up to go to my stats labs. So, this morning finished watching all five episodes of the Deadliest Warrior. I had so much fun watching, I watched two episodes of Stargate SG1. Big mistake because I needed to really study since I skipped class. Sarah thinks it's not big of a deal to skip class. I don't know. Probably, it's not the best idea to because I still learn a few things. I need to decide what to do tomorrow because I need to take my O-chem test and study stats. I really hope that I do somewhat well on my O-chem because I could have studied a lot more today. However, I just watched videos part of the day. I went to my study group for stats and started flipping out because I didn't know what they were talking about. What really bad is that I don't really do my stats homework. I just copy the answers and say I'll go over it later. Bad idea. I really need to plan out my days so I don't waste time and I can get my homework done instead of waiting for the last minute and barely passing.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Violence and Sex

So, I gave myself enough time to write to day. Then, I got distracted watching a TV show on the internet called the Deadliest Warrior because Ikigai wrote about the coming episode. So, I became interested and watched the latest episode which about 42 minutes. Now, I'm passed my bedtime. The show is cool; however, it's very violent too. I'll probably watch some more because I'm really desensitized to violence on TV. However, since I'm getting better by not watching Rated R movies and not very good PG-13's, I'm getting more and more sensitive to things. For example, I just watched "Save the Last Dance". I know that I watched that in high school and back then, I watched Rated R movies too. Now, I that's the last time I'm going to watch it because how the movie portrayed sex and rule breaking. I know that I'm much more sensitive to sex than to violence, but I'm getting better. Probably, anyone who's not Mormon or even some Mormons wouldn't even understand this post. I don't care because I know that we are commanded that we shouldn't watch that type of things. When, I really think about it, probably I shouldn't watch the Deadliest Warrior too. I still want to watch another one anyway.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Trying to manage my time in Provo

I need to learn to manage my time more wisely. I talked to Mom today because I wanted to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. Plus, I haven't talked to her for awhile. I told her that recently I have been wanting to isolated like I was in Spokane because I could just focus on my school work and not get distracted at all. It was really simple there because many times, I chose not to do fun things because of homework. Now, I'm the opposite because I'm not isolated anymore. Plus, I'm cooking, doing laundry at a laundry mat, and going grocery shopping. So, my time is much more limited. It's stressing me out because I'm not doing my homework. I've been going to class and going to all the labs I can for O-chem and Stats. However, I'm still not doing much of anything outside of homework. I have two tests which I will probably take this Wednesday and Thursday. I've been freaking out about them since Thursday because I haven't and still haven't studied for them yet. It's hard because I love to get distracted. So, mom said that I should isolate myself in the library and study there. I like that I idea. I need to study pretty hard the next few days. Life was much simpler in Spokane.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Fries, Rice, and Roast

Hi. I'm very, very tired. I'm probably going to kill myself myself during the morning and class because I'll get 5 and a half hours of sleep. I still haven't studied because of cooking!! My tests range from next Tuesday to Thursday. Today, I made Skillet French Fries which I didn't like. They were a little burnt and not tasty. Then, I made Chinese Fried Rice with Sesame oil and a cup of chicken tenders. I really like it with the oil. Finally, I made some Sauerbraten. It's alright because it sorta reminds me of Chicken Tikka. It's a little sour. I will know more about the verdict tomorrow. It seems like this book is a hit and miss. Sometimes, it has good tasting recipes and other times, they are just awful.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Space in the refrigerator

I'm sorry that I didn't write last night. It all started yesterday morning. I got up and found that the refrigerator was full because Li moved in. She's a Post Doc working at the Benson building, 31 years old, and married. I started stressing because I didn't have much food in the refrigerator. I wanted space because I haven't gone shopping for over a week and a half and was planning on cooking some things. So I after school, I cleared some space for me. However, last night Li took over the spot and I freaked out. At that time, it was late and was very tired. Sarah had Jim and a friend over. I started crying because I voiced that I didn't have any room in the frig. I became very sensitive. I went to bed without washing any dishes, brushing my teeth, writing in my blog, or reading my scriptures. I didn't say goodnight to any one even though Li came in the room asking me the password for our wireless internet. Then, Sarah came in just when I fell asleep. I felt like crying again but I fell right back asleep. When I went to bed, I had a hard cry. I felt like a fool because I was crying about this. I cried partly because I wanted to be isolated from people. I'm very glad that Becca (my roommate) wasn't there last night so I could cry without talking to anyone. I'm glad that I didn't because I was better in the morning. I just got really depressed. I sometimes do that at night.

I started freaking out this morning because my classmate whose name is Mark and who I sit next to told me that we have a test next week. I'm freaked out about it because I haven't read any of the chapters yet. Plus, I heard that I have a stats test next week too. I haven't done anything outside class because of my cooking and me being busy. I've been cooking and lost 12 pounds. The last couple few days, I gained two pounds because I've been going over my calorie limit. It's well worth it to cook so I avoid anything which is bad for me and it tastes better. However, it takes more time. So, it cuts into my homework time. Now, I'm a little freaked out because I haven't had time to study yet. I just wish that BYU wasn't so hard. Today, I was thinking if I don't do well this term, I could transfer to UVU which is a easier and in Provo. I want to stay in Utah right now. I'm very happy here and with my roommates.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

The Perm

So, I want a perm. I'm tired of my hair being frizzy all the time. I know that I'm a girl and should always look pretty. I'm just not interested in doing my hair every day. I always haven't and probably never will. Right now, I'm brushing my hair and leaving every morning. I know that I should do more than that. However, I don't care and don't have that much time. This is why I want a perm again because it's very easy and looks very good on me. I love my hair curly like that. Sarah strongly opposes me getting a perm. I want to talk to mom about it because I'm going to be in Spokane in a month for Evan's graduation. I wish I wasn't a girl sometimes because I have to be forced to do my hair. I know the purpose of looking good all the time, however; it's not an interest of mine. If I'm not interested in it, I likely won't do it.

Monday, May 04, 2009

I got to see my dad!!!

So, I cooked dinner for everyone. I looked on the internet and made meatloaf. It had a thousand ratings. I cooked it and it was really, really good! Dad was here too!! I got to see him a little last night and tonight because he's working in Sandy for a few days. I'm very glad I got to see him because I haven't seen any of my family for four months. I loved it. Plus, my roommates got to meet him plus Trevor. So, my roommates thinks that Trevor is interested in me. I don't know, but he'll really nice. So, I want to go to a play called "The Giver" at the end of May or the beginning of June. I really want to see that play because I loved the book when I read it for my eighth grade English class. I'm totally open about dating him. It's just he hasn't made any clear moves for me. I can understand if he is, he don't want to go on a limb and make things awkward between us. I'm not very good at this whole undercover thing. It makes sense though that I should be a little.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

The mall

Man, I'm tired. All I want is to go to bed!! However, I need to write and read my scriptures first. Well, I was going to cook today. However, I went to Salt Lake with Sarah instead. I'm glad I went because I got my chopper!!! I haven't tested it out yet. I was planning on buying it online, but I found it in a store instead. I found it by going around to different stores in an outside mall. The mall had a water show where the fountains of water playing with music. It was really cool plus kids were running through it and getting wet.

Saturday, May 02, 2009


Hello, Hello. I'm very tired and want to go to bed. Today, I took a four hour nap because last night I went to bed at 8pm and got up at 2am. Then, I cooked pancakes and worked on my O-chem quiz. The pancakes turned out well, even though carbohydrates don't do very much for me. I'm more of a fat and protein person. I stay full longer with those type of things instead of carbohydrates. So, vegetables and fruits don't really do anything for me either. I'm more of a milk, eggs, cheese, nuts, and meat type of person.