I'm Over Kids Teasing Me

Guess what????? Brother Adams is back in Spokane. I wish I could visit him in person. :( However, I'll call him on Monday to say hi. He's like a second father to me. I love him so much.

I want to write about the things that Dave told me this morning in class. However, I can't write that long because I really need to study O-chem. I was suppose to get done with a chapter last night. However, these problems are taking way longer that I have expected them to. I just don't want to copy all the answers from the manual because that wouldn't be studying. I need to know how to do them all so I can do well on the test. It's just last night, I was really freaking out that I wouldn't finish all the problems by the test which is tomorrow night. I still want to go to a two hour review too. However, I that depends on how many problems that I get done. Doing problems is the most important thing I can do to prepare for this test.

I want to talk about the techniques and concepts that I learned in class today. Since Paul Tom hurt his hamstring on Tuesday night, Dave taught the class. He has been doing BJJ for five years now and was unsure about my name today. He called me the right name though. I love working with him because he very knowledgeable and doesn't mind to teach one on one. He said whenever I work with people who has more experience than me to ask them what they did and how to defend from that so that they may teach me.

I learned that I need to keep people busy when they are in my guard. I pull them down to my level, come up to their level by sitting up, or attack. There's a modified Ezekiel that I practiced today that I have learned in Roberto's dojo. I just learned it from mount. Today, I learned that one can do it from guard either on the back or sitting in his lap. It when I put one arm around the neck, grab my gi sleeve with the same arm, then drive my fist into their neck right at the artery. I used that move twice today.

Then, learned a move which Pinky did all the time with me. We are suppose to open the guard whenever a person stands so that he won't slam you on your back. I thought that one can't do that in BJJ. That's what I learned in the BYU club. I just though of something. I might had gotten injured in Roberto's dojo because I was slammed a little and my lungs had air at that time too. If one has air in the lungs while being crushed, the ribs don't have anywhere to go and crack. Anyways, this move really works when one has one hand in the lapel and the other grabbing the sleeve cable grip style on the same side. When I break my guard, I have to automatically put my feet on his hips so there will be tension. Then, lift him up into the air and follow him into mount with tension of your arms. Dave said to grab with your feet; however, I don't see that's possible. He said that this move called the balloon.

A really easy way to pass a guy's open guard, when they have just opened it is, is to push their knees together and really lean onto them. Grab both gi pants. Then, yank the knees off very suddenly and land on the guy. They won't really expect it.

Dave said I get too emotional when grappling. He said that I still angry at the people who have teased me when I was a kid. So, I try to get revenge on them when grappling. Then, he said I was mad at my dad too. I'm totally not mad at Dad. I think that I'm over what happened to me as a kid. I can see other people getting mad at kids and never forgive them as adults. Then, they try to prove themselves when grappling. I'm pretty sure that I've forgiven my uncle too. I don't hold grudges too. I have forgiven everyone who has trespassed me. I don't believe that I have not forgiven anyone at a subconscious level either. I don't really believe that there's a subconscious anyways. Probably, my psychology is different from most because of my Autism.

I think I get too emotional because I really care how well I do in this sport. I don't like losing all the time and get frustrated. Dave said to throw my emotions out the window when rolling because they are hurting my technique. Maybe, he's saying that when I get emotional I used muscle instead of technique. That totally makes sense because I'd always throw not as far in the ring. Maybe, I'd get too emotional there and tense. Me wanting to take revenge doesn't make sense in terms of the ring. I don't think that my love for BJJ is hurting me either. I don't think that one should throw that out the window too.

I think it's just Satan minions trying to get to me because I can listen to them like I do with the Spirit. I just need to remember that more experienced people and bigger guys will always pretty much win me because they have 40 percent more upper body strength than me. The more I progress, the more I will win with beginners. I'm able to control them more and more.

I say screw the idea I get emotional because of kids and teenagers. That way two lives and over five years ago. Screw the idea that I'm trying to take revenge on anyone who has hurt me. The people who has hurt me the most are Sensei Chinen, Uncle Rich, and Roberto. Probably, they are the one's who I'd like to take revenge. However, I'm over all of them including the kids and teenagers at school. However, I'm more wary of trusting people. I just don't want to be taken advantage of by anyone. I'll just see where my emotions are exactly when grappling. Plus, I don't know much technique when grappling anyways. Most of it is instinct. I'll work on not becoming frustrated and going all out. When grappling with Cameron, I treated him as a predator because Dave said to treat all men like that. So, I really went all out. It was wonderful too because I really got a good workout. However, I cried afterwards because I was frustrated. So, I just need to see where are my emotions. Plus, Dave maybe misreading me too when I spar. Like today, he said that I had emotion when rolling with the new guy. However, I was calm and happy when grappling with him. I'm rougher with guys who have more experience like with Dave. Maybe, he's seeing that as aggression. I give up on who's seeing what. All I know is what I feel inside. Well, I need to do O-chem. I've been writing for three hours.

I think that Dave is way off about me getting frustrated or getting too emotional. Sparring should be playing and having fun. Well, I just read of another mindset that I need to really keep in mind. I need to remember that experience is a big factor and whether my training partner is a guy. Most of the girls are really easy to beat. I never train with them. I always train with guys because they are just as big as me and stronger. This means I have to work harder to pull off techniques. Again most of my defense is instinctual, so most of it isn't really composed of techniques. However, all my attacks are techniques because I don't naturally know how to choke or submit a person. I've been noticing that my defense is working and that I'm attacking people who has much less experience than me. However, I still have trouble controlling strong beginners. I just need to keep my negative emotions in check when I spar. Here are two articles that I really liked about changing my mindset: The 200 Principle and Tools in Your Box. I just need to remember that anyone who submits me is doing a favor. It gives me an opportunity to work my defense especially with my arms. I just don't to come to a point where my defense isn't improving.