Calculus

I hate math. Why is it so hard???????? Calc. is the hardest class that I have taken so far in college and ARRRRg, it’s killing me. I mean it’s going to kill my GPA. I didn’t do well on my test today. I got most of the answers wrong. The first two I got right. I missed the second one because I looked at the wrong thing in my calculator. I think I got the third one right. The fourth one I got the tangent wrong because missed my x value. I missed the fifth and sixth ones completely because I didn’t understand them. I need to ask Kelly about the fifth one. The sixth one I understand now after looking at the key. I missed that one because I didn’t spend enough time on story problems. I’m so horrible at story problems because they always give me a hard time. I didn’t understand the bonus problem either.

The second part of the test is a take home. I guessed how many points he’s going to take off and if I get 100% on the second part, I’ll get around a 76%. That is horrible. I can’t afford a 76 because I got a 77% on my first test. Right now, I’m depressed because I don’t know how to get out of this one. I want to go to vet school and I really have to get good grades like all A’s. I can’t afford a C on my transcript. I could retake the class because I’ll get a higher grade on my transcript. However, my dad says that will show too.

I’m already spending lots of time as it is on calc. At least, three hours per day. I don’t know what I should do. I’ve been spending so much time on calc. that I haven’t spent that much time on chemistry. So far, chemistry is pretty easy because it’s a review for me. However, the things that we are learning now is new. So, I have to spend more time on it. So far chemistry is pretty easy because it’s a review for me. However, the things that we are learning now are new. So, I have to spend more time on it. Do I have enough time to spend on that because of calc? I don’t know. I barely have enough time looking for a new dojo and spend some time with my boyfriend. Before I met Andrey, I would do my chemistry when I got home from school and over the weekend. Now, it’s really I’m not home that much because I’ve been spending time with Andrey.

I didn’t spend time to study for my chemistry test. If I had more time, I know that I would have gone faster through it. I had a hard time remembering how to do some of the problems. I don’t know how I did my chemistry test today. Probably, I would have done better if I had time to study. Dr. Miller said that I probably did well when he skimmed over it.

Why can’t calc be as easy as chemistry? Dr. Miller said that chemistry is harder for some people than calc. It just takes me a long time to comprehend calc. I have to work with the solutions manual that shows how to do the problem step by step. I don’t think I could figure it out by myself like other people. I’ve been doing well on the homework and on the projects. I’m not doing very well with the tests. Gerrrr. I’m afraid that my chem. grade will go down because I’m spending so much time on calc.

Or is it that I’m not wisely managing my time? Am I spending too much time on with Andrey and the computer and not enough time on homework? Having a social life is good too because it releases stress. It’s so hard just to know how to balance my time. I think that I’ve been doing well with it. Probably, it could be improved even further though.

Aikido dojo

Hi. I'm sorry that I have wrote for while because I've been so busy. I went to the Aikido dojo last night with my boyfriend and it was very interesting. I liked it better than the Shotokan dojo. I think I like it better because it doesn't have any kata and it involves throwing and take downs. I don't mind kata; but, I know that I don't love it like some other people like Supergroup. When we worked on Bunkai Oyo during Gasshuku and worked on Sandan Gi in Chinen's dojo, I had more fun than doing kata by myself.

Bowmen Sensei was very nice. When I talked to him, he related Aikido to dancing. There were only four people in the regular class that consisted of three black belts and one white belt. The atmosphere was so much more relaxed than Chinen's dojo. When working with each other, they were laughing and smiling quite a few times. I think that Bowmen Sensei encourages creativity too. For example, white belt took down him with a Judo technique. Then, Sensei told him what he did wrong when he threw him and pulled a hamstring. He said that the white belt pulled Sensei on top of him instead of allowing Sensei to fall forward. Then, he told us the difference between Judo and Aikido. Aikido practitioners use their opponent’s center of balance and his motion against him instead of relying on muscle. That is so true when I did Judo in Chinen Sensie’s dojo. I really had to rely on strength when I did kakie with Sempai Art during Gasshuku because I physically had to lift him up and set him back on the ground without hurting him. Throughout the class, Sensei said not to use muscle. I can relate that to throwing disk because I couldn't use my muscle when throwing. I had to rely on my how fast I spun in my approach. My dad said that throwing disk is probably around 85 or 90 percent of speed and technique.

I'm going to go back to the dojo on Saturday to try it out. I just wish it was later because class starts at 7 A.M. That's really early for a Saturday morning because I usually like to do things on Friday night. However, that makes me arrive at the college and do my homework earlier. However, the other class time is on Monday night. Monday's are Family Home Evenings and I should go to them because it’s recommend by my church leaders. However, I don't go that much because of homework. I think I’ll feel a little bad going to the dojo instead of FHE. I heard that they sometimes have class on Fridays. I like the class size because it's really small. Therefore, I can get to know the people much faster than a big dojo. Plus, aikido would only cost me 25 dollars a month which is like nothing.

I just need to try out Gene Villa's dojo and see how I like it. I'm thinking about calling him today because I want to get back in a dojo. It's just so expensive. I know that they have many classes, but I don't know if I have that much time. However, I would love to go to a class more than twice a week. I would have to use some of my savings that I earned during the summer because the money that I earn cleaning my grandma's house won't cover all of it.

Japan Karate Association

I went to a dojo affiliated with the Japan Karate Association. It was very interesting. They were very nice and small. When I went there, there was only two black belts and Sensei Thomas. Supergroup, I finally saw your style. They worked mostly on kata. When I was watching, I saw there moves that I have seen or done in my style. They hardly kiaied though. It wasn't an EHHHH!!! It was more like eeeept. I heard them use osu. I haven't heard that before in real life, just on the internet. When they spar, they have no contact. That's a little sad because I like having contact. Of course, they didn't have any breathing like Goju-Ryu. When going through the kata, he counted in short high counts. He didn't go all the way through to 10. Have to go. Getting kicked out of the computer lab.

Confused

I talked to Sempai Jessica today. She said that I should call Sensei Chinen because I haven't been going to the karate class at SCC. She said that I should tell him that I'm alive. He doesn't know what's going on with me. AARrg. Now, I'm confused. By this statement, I think that Sensei is wondering and actually cares about me. If I do talk to him, I might change my mind about not going to the dojo. Oh, I don't know if I should talk to him and tell him what's going on or just leave it alone. I posted a letter on karatekorner.com last night about quiting under the Teruo Chinen thread. Sensei still considers me as his student. I haven't personally told Sensei that I quit the dojo and going to find a new dojo. Maybe, he truly cares about me and my training. Maybe, this is one of his ways to get me back under control. I don't know. Oh, how I would love to get back training at the dojo, because of the people and training it's self. However, I don't want any more problems with the dojo. If only they didn't have those stupid rules.

I've been thinking. I wonder if I know more about Sensei than most of his students do. I've been talking to a former student of Chinen Sensei. He said that Sensei has lost his mind because what David and I have wrote about. He said that the things that were said on the E-budo.com thread was true about Chinen Sensei. He found out when the internet wasn't so easy to access. I just wonder why others in the dojo don't have the same problems that I do. Every one in the dojo seemed happy with the dojo when I went. Maybe, it's because I act differently and get different responces from my Sempai and Sensei. During Gasshuku, I met a black belt who was a Mormon and it seemed like that she didn't have any problems with the dojo. However, she's not a full time student of Chinen Sensei because she lives in the Tri-Cities.

I've been e-mailing dojos that I'm interested in and getting responses back. I would like to visit a one tonight and another toworrow. I have looked into Villa Sensei's dojo. I have to set up a private lesson with him first. Then, I'll try class two times. If I still want to do it, I'll be enrolled into a six-week trail program.

Picture of Me

Hi. This me breaking two boards. I'm going to fix it because it's sideways. However, I don't have time right now. Sempai Tony, the professional photographer, took this picture. My hair was all pretty because I had my hair trimmed.

Pictures

This is the best picture of Chinen Sensei had I have found on the internet. I bet Sempai Tony took this picture because he’s a professional photographer.

This is an awesome picture of Sempai Mark on top of Mount Spokane.

This picture was taken at the dojo. These are the implements that we work with sometimes. I’ve seen my Sempai work with them. However, I’ve only worked with the stone blocks in the front of the picture.

I love this picture of Sensei’s garden. When I was working there, the grass wasn’t green because it was dead and brown.


This picture was taken where we congregated at Sensei’s garden after training in Gasshuku. This is where we ate lunch after we worked in Sensei’s garden too.

This is a picture of Bonsho who’s Sensei’s chow. Whenever, we came to Sensei’s house after class, we waited on a side walk to wait until everyone was there. We usually waited for the men because they would close the dojo and then, buy cold beer. Then, Sempai Scott would start leading us down the ally way to the back of Sensei’s house where Sensei Chinen and Sensei Mary had their cars parked. Then, Sempai Scott would bang a gong letting Sensei or somebody else know that we were there. A few times, someone would unlock the gate and let us in. Usually, Sempai Brooke would open the iron door with a key. Sensei always had the gates locked because of the bad neighborhood. Then as we came in, Bonsho would always be there greet us. We always had to keep the doors/gates closed in Sensei’s garden because Bonsho would get out and run away. Sempai Derrick told me that chows weren’t that affectionate. However, Sensei really loves Bonsho. He says that Bonsho can do the dishes and other household chores. Sensei also said that he can to kata. In addition, Sensei likes to feed Bonsho people food. Once, he fed him an entire hamburger from a bowl.

Sempai Mark is training on a makiwara.

Sempai David who moved to Seattle is training on the makiwara. Sensei had makiwara scattered along the paths in his garden. I never had the opportunity to train on them in his garden. One can see the water lilies that Sensei likes to grow which are below and beyond Sempai David. Just beyond the water lilies, is Sensei’s front entrance to his garden.

This is a sign for All Northwest Conference in 2000. I’ve only watched in once and it was very interesting because I saw my Sempai work with all kinds of training implements. One can see the side of Sensei’s house in the background. See the tools? Sensei is always working in his garden. He spends two or more house working on it. I’m very impressed with it because he built the garden all by himself and it’s very beautiful. He actually has a pond too; however, I never seen it filled with water.

This was taken inside of Sensei’s garden dojo. I’ve never been in there before. However, I’ve looked inside and it has really nice hard wood floors.


This picture was taken at the front entrance of the garden.

Training

Going back to train at the dojo has crossed my mind. However, I know that I’m never going there again. I know that I miss the people and the training. However, I don’t want to go back because of Sensei Chinen. My relationship with him and my Sempai won’t be the same again. I’ve been still posting about my old dojo because that’s the only karate related thing to post about. I did once idolize Sensei Chinen because he was my Sensei. I also once idolized my Sempai when I started. Now, I don’t anymore because of what happened.

I have been thinking about why I train. I went to a dance class last night at my church last night. It wasn’t very disciplined and I was getting lost because the teacher didn’t take it step by step. The music wasn’t very fun to dance too because I don’t like popular music. I wasn’t having fun because I was bored and somewhat lost. In my mind, I wanted a Sempai to help me along. After class, I became depressed because I miss training so much. I realized that I train because it’s so much fun and it’s very interesting. I when I first started going to the dojo, I got a natural high afterwards because of the exercising and learning. Right now, I’m going nuts and becoming depressed because I’m not training.

I don’t care if it’s solitary. Actually, I’ve been a solitary person for a long time because I like to do things my way. However, I love structure, which is a must in karate. I don’t care if it’s going to be rough and rocky. That’s life. I’m used to it because of my autism and ADD. My childhood was hard because many kids teased and bullied me. Plus, my mom is Bipolar. My family has been homeless three times when I was a child. My mom and dad had jobs, but we didn’t have a home; instead, we lived in tents or a camping trailer. When I was growing up, my dad didn’t have a steady income because he’s in construction. In addition, my brother was run over by a truck when he was four years old and has had eight surgeries so far to correct his leg.

Boxing and skipping class

I wrote this in my journal on Friday, February 24, 2006.

Last Friday, I went to Cory Kerrs house to hang out with my friends. First, we played a game called Murder in the Dark. When done playing, we all went to the living room and watched two people box, mainly guys. The fights were quick and intense. Cory video taped the matches and then we would watch them again on tape.

I actually boxed and it was fun!!! I boxed a smaller girl named Becca. We boxed for a few min. She hit me three times in the face and it didn’t hurt all. Cory didn’t even get the first half of my fight. Afterwards, I noticed that people were rooting for Becca because they were telling her repeatedly of take headshots. I wanted to fight Amanda, but she didn’t want to. In addition, Cory didn’t want me to box anyone for some reason. I personally thought I was the worst fighter. However on Karatecorner.com, Wado said that I had the best fight.

Karate class was good on Wednesday. Ryan was practicing as usual in the foyer when I arrived. When Sensei arrived and sat down looking at a newspaper, he asked Emily, Ryan, and I what our horoscopes were. We all had five stars except him. We had class in the gym as usual. However, we had the smallest class ever! There were only five people, including me. Ryan, Emily, John, Tiffany, and I were there. I can’t see how others could skip class. Naomi told me today that she skips out of laziness. I would never skip Karate because it’s too much fun and Sensei doesn’t like it. In addition, my grade is based on my attendance.

We started class running saying Dojo Kun and he picked me to say it. It was much easier than last time because I just started running. I think he picks me because I know it. When I was done leading, he made us stop and change direction. He had done this throughout the quarter. It’s weird to me because I have never had a coach or a PE teacher do this. We always would run one way. Then, we practiced Moving Attack and perform Fukukata Dai Ichi really fast. I was bad at it because I haven’t practiced going fast with it. Once, I messed up in the beginning and it was hard to get into sequence again. Then, we practiced cat stance. He had us to be in that position while we counted. Oh, that burned and he knew it too. I would have never pushed myself that hard if I was alone.

Then, he had Emily do Saifa and Gekisai Dai Ni. He had Captain David do another kata which I have never seen before. It was really cool because his gi was swishing and snapping as he moved. Then, we almost learned Gekisai Dai Ni from beginning to end. It has a lot more breathing than the other katas that I’ve learned. I’m definitely doing to take Karate next quarter.