Monday, October 09, 2006

Confused

I talked to Sempai Jessica today. She said that I should call Sensei Chinen because I haven't been going to the karate class at SCC. She said that I should tell him that I'm alive. He doesn't know what's going on with me. AARrg. Now, I'm confused. By this statement, I think that Sensei is wondering and actually cares about me. If I do talk to him, I might change my mind about not going to the dojo. Oh, I don't know if I should talk to him and tell him what's going on or just leave it alone. I posted a letter on karatekorner.com last night about quiting under the Teruo Chinen thread. Sensei still considers me as his student. I haven't personally told Sensei that I quit the dojo and going to find a new dojo. Maybe, he truly cares about me and my training. Maybe, this is one of his ways to get me back under control. I don't know. Oh, how I would love to get back training at the dojo, because of the people and training it's self. However, I don't want any more problems with the dojo. If only they didn't have those stupid rules.

I've been thinking. I wonder if I know more about Sensei than most of his students do. I've been talking to a former student of Chinen Sensei. He said that Sensei has lost his mind because what David and I have wrote about. He said that the things that were said on the E-budo.com thread was true about Chinen Sensei. He found out when the internet wasn't so easy to access. I just wonder why others in the dojo don't have the same problems that I do. Every one in the dojo seemed happy with the dojo when I went. Maybe, it's because I act differently and get different responces from my Sempai and Sensei. During Gasshuku, I met a black belt who was a Mormon and it seemed like that she didn't have any problems with the dojo. However, she's not a full time student of Chinen Sensei because she lives in the Tri-Cities.

I've been e-mailing dojos that I'm interested in and getting responses back. I would like to visit a one tonight and another toworrow. I have looked into Villa Sensei's dojo. I have to set up a private lesson with him first. Then, I'll try class two times. If I still want to do it, I'll be enrolled into a six-week trail program.

5 comments:

ZenHG said...

It is your choice if you want to go back or not Lizzie, but I would advise against it.
Whether or not Chinen Sensei is mad, the others most certainly would be and you would have even more trouble than before.

I agree, the other students at Chinen Sensei's Dojo may not at all be aware of what you have come to know of his past.
It still doesn't matter whether it is true or not, what matters is the way things are now. Has he really embraced it and learned a lesson from it, or is he still just trying to cover it up?
What about his black belt students, why do they feel the need to be so secretive, as if they were some sort of secret police?

They brought up the term 'proper internet safety' in my meeting with Chinen Sensei, because you had mentioned where Mary Roe lives and teaches, ect.
They said that it was a danger to Mary Roe's life and that you really shouldn't have said anything.
Why was it a danger to her life? You did not mention an address, nor any specifics, and the people you mentioned it to already knew who she was and many of them had trained with her.
Why such a deep fear of people 'finding them out?' Possibly because someone will say something they don't want to hear to one of their students? Maybe they have made someone else mad to the point where they need to keep low profiles? I don't know.

All I know is that something is not right there at all.
They felt the need to pull me into a private room and put me into place as if I had said something bad about Chinen Sensei just by associating with you, then he goes on the say belittling things about you and turns around saying something completely different to your face.
It really is puzzling to me to say the least.

Keep searching Lizzie, I know I will never set foot back in that school again.
For one, I know I would not be welcome because I broke the silence, two, because I will not train in such an environment where I am expected to be closed-minded and ignorant.

supergroup7 said...

I really can't offer many words here because it is all up to you as to what you want to do.

I think that it is a good idea to try Villa Sensei's dojo for a couple of classes. This would give you an idea of what is the same and different over there as compared to what you had experienced in your former dojo.

It is also your decision if you want to connect with Sensei Chinen or not. It might help you get "closure" by speaking with him.

I would guess that other's different treatment of you is not because you are Mormon. To my knowledge, religious affiliation has not been a big stumbling block in the majority of dojo that I have witnessed. But then, I am young in martial arts.

No matter what happens I wish you the bestest best.

lizzie said...

Thanks David. I'm not going back. I forgot about my Sempai still being mad about me. My mom say that just let this one slide past me. I don't need to call him. Well, he'll know when Sempai John tells him from karatekorner.com

ZenHG said...

It is probably best just to let it go.
It is not worth your time and effort to waste any further on this topic.

You should really be more concerned about continuing your training at this point. That is the truly important thing.
I realize you feel betrayed, confused, and all sorts of other mixed feelings about the matter, but seek your closure in your training if not by directly speaking with Chinen Sensei regarding the matter.

By the way, who is the former student of Chinen Sensei that you had been speaking with?
I don't consider him one of my major teachers since I only trained with him a couple times out of an entire month and my main experience with him was being pulled aside the way I was.
I am a student of Mike Dascenzo in the line of Seikichi Toguchi, not a former student of Chinen, so it could not be me.

The reason I am asking is because if there is another student out there who is currently training independently, I would really like to network with the both of you.

Anonymous said...

I also would advise against going back, or even calling him. Normally, I believe students should show their sensei the courtesy of letting him know they won't be back, but these are not normal circumstances. I don't believe he cares about you. If he did, he wouldn't have treated you the way he did while you were there.

One more thing, this parallels the tactics used by abusive husbands to get their wives back. They make them doubt what happened, and make them believe they really cared. However, once the wives are back in the home, the abuse starts again.