Sunday, March 22, 2009

Feelings for Guys

Hi. I have something crazy to tell you. I have feelings for a guy. I can't believe it!! His name is Devon and is a normal, typical guy. I really, really like him. What's amazing is that Mary Lu, my housemate noticed I liked him a couple weeks ago. Last night, he took me on short walk and told me that he noticed signs that I wanted more than a friendship. He said that he wasn't ready for a relationship yet because he wanted to get his temple recommend first. I said that I knew that. We are both cool with it. The thought didn't even cross my mind to date him before he talked to me about it. If I really wanted to date him, our little talk would have hurt me. However, I don't know if it would even work because we both are very different from each other. He's your typical guy who works in construction, loves cars, and fixes cars. Maybe, I really like him because he and my dad has a lot in common. He loves to tease and harass me, which my dad also does. He loves kids, very open about his past, funny, and hugs us whenever he leaves the apartment. However, he does watch rated R movies, has had a very dark past, drinks Mountain Dew more than my brother, and eats very unhealthy. I want a guy who's very strong in the church and is educated just as much or even more than me. He has a year left to go to school, but he isn't right now because he doesn't like it.

I've been very open and trusting with him. I think I think him more of an older brother than a person who I can date. Like I said, I don't know if it will even work if we date. I can't even entertain that idea that much. So, it's better to think of him as an older brother. I've never had an older brother or sister in my life because I'm the oldest in my family. He's ten years older than I am. Mary Lu says that I should get rid of those special feelings that I have for him by focusing on the bad things he does so I will stop liking him. I'm not going to do that. I talked to my sister about it and she said that I'm fine. I can still flirt and be myself around him. I've always said that I don't even know how to flirt but Mary Lu said that I do.

Yesterday, I didn't even know that I had feelings for him until today. I've been listening to my feelings when I'm around and think about him. They are pretty special. However, one gets a different types of feelings with different types of people. I know that my feelings for me aren't you typical feelings. It's just really weird because I've never really had feelings for your typical guy. He's not even good looking. I just think that the whole thing is crazy.

However, it doesn't surprise me that I really like a guy. I meet those kind of guys all over the place. I had my first crush on Tony in eighth grade. Eventually, those feelings went away as we became best friends. I remember putting my arm around him once and he asked my why I was doing that. I couldn't have acted on my feelings anyway because I was too young to date. My second crush was with Tyler. I met him at Youth Conference and spend alot of time with him during that time. I remember sitting on the grass and talking with him during the dance which was outside. We didn't spend time with each other after that because we lived in different towns. The last information I heard about him was the he turned away from the church and turned gay.

I've always been interested in Soren who lives in Spokane. He was my home teacher and the Elder Quorum president. However, I never let him know of my interest in him because I'm very old fashioned. It's better for the guy to ask the girl on a date and let her know of his intentions instead of the other way around. At first, I didn't have feelings for Andrey when we started dating. They developed over time. We still have feelings for each other because we love to talk and be with each other. I love going to the movies with him. Plus, we like to hold hands even though we are not dating. I need to call him because our last conversation ended on a sour note and that was before I left Spokane.

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