Friday, March 12, 2010

My Day and Childhood Anger

Like always, I need to go to bed. However, I need to tell you how my day went today. I went to bed at 1:30 last night. I had to finish my BOM biweekly homework which was due today. My alarm went of at 7:30 this morning. I didn't want to get up at all. So, I read three chapters of the BOM to finish my assignment and went back to bed. I slept pretty lightly even though my brain wanted to shut down. Then, Sarah started making noise on the other side of the wall near my head. She uses a little shelf when she gets ready in the morning. The walls are paper thin, so I hear all kind of bumps on the other side of the wall. At 8:20, I got up and took a shower. Then, I really hurried when getting dressed and doing my hair. I was really proud of myself because I did all of that in 30 minutes because I'm usually in the shower for that long of the time. I take forever when I get ready in the morning. It usually takes me an hour and a half. Now, it's taking me longer because I do my hair every morning and put my contacts in.

However, this morning I skipped breakfast because I knew I'd be back an hour later. I didn't want to be late for class because my professor asked all of us in class on time. Some of them repented, but many wasn't on time. We usually start at 9:05. At the beginning of class, we had a girl talk about Russia for a few minutes because my professor likes to have the foreign students talk about their native homelands. I loved it when she said her full name because it was in the Russian language.

I miss hearing Russian. I heard it a lot when I was around Andrey. Now, I'm not around it anymore. It's kind of weird because when I heard it, I wished that I heard English because I wanted to understand what they were saying. Andrey would always talk in Russian to his Mom. It's funny when I watch TV now because many of the Russian accents are pretty fake. They mostly roll their R's. I don't think I've ever met a real Russian/Ukrainian who rolls their R's.

After class, I went home, had breakfast, brushed my teeth, went to Real Foods to buy my Raw Milk, and then arrived that Paul Tom's BJJ Academy. I like the night classes better because they are longer. Plus, I don't have to do my hair afterwards like in the morning. I talked to Paul Tom more about me getting frustrated when grappling. He said that something is triggering my frustration when grappling. He said that trigger is from my past. He saying that most problems are a result of our childhood and it being passed down by our parents. I know that's how family feuds can last generations. However, things triggering frustration sounds like vague theory.

Last night, I rolled with a guy at BYU for 45 minutes. During the last stages of the match, I became frustrated because he kept on escaping all of my attacks. Plus, I was getting tired. I knew that I was going to cry if I'd lose because I was working so hard to submit him. I recognized that I was getting upset when rolling. So, I told myself that I was OK. I finally won by a kimura from mount. Then, I felt relieved and proud that I won.

David says that my childhood anger gets in the way when I roll. I don't know. Maybe, I just get caught up in the moment and get too obsessed about submitting the guy. I didn't get upset while rolling for a long time with Charity because she's a girl. I got a little upset with myself because she won afterwards. However, that was my first time controlling a person on mount for a long time. With the guy, I tried two triangles. I've never tried those before when rolling. Maybe, it's my ego saying that I should beat these people. However, I don't like rolling with really easy people like most girls either. So, I don't know. Maybe, it's childhood anger and maybe, it's me listening to Satan's minions. It's just saying it's childhood anger doesn't sit well with me because I think that one has matured enough to get over their past.

After class, I went to Sunflower Market to get a few things. I was really falling asleep when driving home. Then, I some potato chips and went to bed to take a nap. I wanted to meet with Rebecca so I can work on O-chem. I find it easier to study with someone because it allows me to study for longer periods of time. It makes me realize that I'm not the only one studying for hours. I went to bed at 3:20 and got up at 6:00. I hurried out the door at 6:30 because there was a representative from Palmer college that was speaking at 6:00. That's why I went to BJJ in the morning. Now, I'm really considering Palmer in Iowa. I really liked what I heard from the representative. I would write more about it, but don't have time to.

Then, I came home at nine. I talked with Katrina and Sarah and took out the trash. Then, I went through my emails because I didn't have time to yesterday. I had 41 of them because I added many friends on facebook mainly from the ward. I'm never on facebook. Then, I read a post from David, watched two videos that was posted by Dr. Clark, chatted with Sister Warner on facebook for 40 minutes, and resisted watching another rated M video game review. Then, I've been probably writing in this blog for an hour and a half. It's 1:13 am. I need to go to bed. I haven't worked on O-chem for the last three days. I have a quiz tomorrow. I need to go to bed now so I can get up and work on O-chem.

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