Rolling, Pain, and Emotions

Gerr. I hate this. I want to write so bad right now. However, I ran out of time. I read all of David's posts that he wrote today. Then, I watched two UFC fights. UFC is kind of boring. Maybe I'll appreciate more when I get farther into BJJ. Anyways, I had fun today at BJJ. However, I was depressed after I left because I got frustrated with forward rolls. I though that I was doing them right. However, Dan and Cory corrected me. I have a wrong foot forward when rolling. So, I have to start kneeling and work myself upwards because we do lots of rolling in the beginning of class. Now, I believe Dan because I watched a few Akido videos about rolling. I remember that when I went to the Akido dojo in Spokane, the Sensei there taught me to how roll correctly. Then, when I started at Sensei Villa's dojo, I didn't really roll that often. So, I pretty much forgot how to roll and made up my own way. Dan says that my rolls don't look very good.

Dan also says that I get too emotional when I spar. He said that when he spars, there's no emotion on his face. I don't think I can do that because I love sparring. It really saddens me that I have to stop and wait for my turn again. No one picks me. However, Roberto picked me today which made me really happy. I just love sparring aka grappling. I can spar time after time after time. I think it's so much fun. Dan keeps on saying try to think three moves ahead. My brain doesn't think that fast yet. I have to get comfortable in a position first like being mounted. I know what to do more on my back because I'm constantly on it.

Roberto says that I have to learn how to defend myself. Then, when I really good at that, I'll learn finishing moves. I just want to learn how to defend myself more quickly. However, I need to be more patient with myself. It's just so frustrating that everyone beats me all the time. However, Dan said we can't think about that. It doesn't matter if we lose or not, it matters that we get better and learn BJJ. Well, one day I'll be able to hold off all the orange belt. One day. All I'm doing is defending. We learn how to attack from the guard. However, I'm someone is never in my guard. I'm always in theirs trying to defend these blasted triangles and armbars.

Oh ya, Roberto did notice that I did cry a little when finished sparring with Cory on Saturday. He told a new guy about it. When grappling, I don't think I can hide my emotions. I have never been good that that for my entire life. I can't hide when it that I'm almost wanting to cry. Over the years, I've tried to hold my emotions in until I get away from public. I either let it come out or it goes away eventually. I noticed that if I let it come out, I feel better afterwards. I know that I always smile when sparring. I love it!!! I was grunting and somewhat yelling when Dan went on top of me. He's so heavy that he just squishes me. Well, soon I'll be able to beat guys who are stronger than me with technique. Probably, all girls has this problem when grappling with guys. I know girls are easier to beat because I'm stronger and heavier than them.

Today, Roberto told me to stop always asking him if I'm improving. I never asked Sensei Villa that. However, I always asked Mr. Merhns that when I threw in high school. I really appreciated when he encouraged all the time. I just need to remind myself that it just takes practice and patience. I was such a crappy discus thrower in seventh grade. I remember not being able to bowl with it, let alone throw the darn thing. I liked shot put better. However, as time went on, I started to like disk better and better. That was all I focused on when I was a senior. I almost made it to state. Mr. Merhns said that I threw 100 feet when I practiced. I know that I threw above 90 feet during divisional. Maybe, I'm just missing the competitive aspect of things. I mean I can be really competitive by doing BJJ because I can go to tournaments.

Well, I thought I was going to stop myself from writing this much because I have school in the morning. Gerr. I need to do stats. I need to suck it up and catch up. I've been thinking what David has posted. I like some parts of what he said. I don't have time looking through what he exactly said though. It's more like that we use a style or multiple ones to develop our own style because we use what works. We do that in BJJ. Geeze, there are thousands of submissions and counters in BJJ. I just need to pick what works for me. I'm just on the fence over who is right, David or Roberto. I don't know.

All I know is that my training is far better now than what it was Sensei Villa's. I'm not saying that the quality is better because Sensei Villa is a way far better than Sensei Chinen. It's just I enjoy this type of training better. It's a lot more painful though. Probably, it's more painful than Chinen's training too. Those knuckle push ups hurt. I'm thankful that I don't have to do them. When I was shrimping in the beginning of class today, I yelled because almost was kicked in the head. I told Roberto why I yelled. He said to stop complaining because he's training us to become fighters and sometimes we will be kicked in the head. I gave him a thumbs up and smiled. I know that I accidentally elbowed Dan in the face today. He told me to clip my finger nails while sparring. I scratched Dan and Pinky today. However, they aren't that long. I'll ask Roberto about it on Wednesday.