My Appearance

The only thing that I didn't get done today was the practice test. I'll do it tomorrow after class and before I take the real test. I'm really hoping and praying that I'll do well on it because I've put so much time into this one like the last one. It sort of got hairy at the end because I'm pressed for time. However, I did go swimming today for forty minutes because I wasn't concentrating on my homework. I studies for so long where my body was really getting antsy. I missed two points on the homework because Sarah came into my room to talk to me. I got really annoyed even though it's two points. Plus, it doesn't really matter because I have those extra credit points. I was really getting down on myself because Sarah is taking nine credits and surviving. I'm only taking three and doing pretty well. I hope anyways. I'm nervous for this test because I don't want to do bad. I just really hope that I'll get through the practice test.

Anyways, I was getting depressed because I was getting on my case about not being as successful with school like Sarah. I talked to Rebecka about it. By talking to her, I got out of that mode and felt better. I love to compare myself with others. I do that in BJJ too. Actually, I do that in almost everything I do. I get frustrated at myself because I'm not doing this and this like this person. I'm not going as fast or getting the good grades as some other people. Then, I get depressed. Roberto said that I cannot do that because when I get frustrated, I don't learn. I need to learn to be patient with myself. It's sort of funny when I look at my heart and how hard I'm trying, I see myself a success like school and my mini-mission. However when I compare to myself to others, I feel like a failure because of other people's performance who surround me. However, not a lot of people haven't came where I came from. As long as I try my hardest, I'll be OK.

What about my appearance though?? Everyone is so concerned about impressing others. I mean it would be nice for guys to notice me. I just haven't been that concerned about my appearance my whole life pretty much because I didn't care about what others thought of me. However, since now I'm older, I should start caring because I want to date and get married. I just thought that the right guy would come along regardless of what I look like. Sarah says the guys that will be attracted to me wouldn't care. However, if I do put time into myself, I really hope that my future boyfriend would notice. Andrey certainly didn't because he never complemented me when I looked pretty on Sunday. I really try to look pretty on Sundays. I haven't really been doing that since I moved here.

I just wish this was easier because I care what I look like; however, I don't enjoy the process of making myself look pretty. I mean I've always haven't liked doing my hair. However, I know I need to do something with it because it's always fizzy and stringy. It doesn't look that good. I could straighten it too. That's always looks good. It's just I don't go to bed on time. I've always tried to work on that; however I get distracted. Like tonight, I should have gone to bed a half an hour ago. However, I got distracted writing about this. This has been on my mind for a long time now. It was really nice on my mini-mission because we had to go to bed on time no matter what. Sister Vergara was really strict about it. I knew there would have been so many times where I wouldn't have gone to bed on time if she wasn't there. Those were good times, hard but good. It seems like life is hard because it's hard to balance things. I need to do something more about my appearance though because so many people say I need to look pretty. Life is hard. :( Night.